Daddy.

Do fathers make a difference in the upbringing of children?

A few weeks ago we were having breakfast in Corona del Mar and we picked up The Daily Pilot, a local newspaper. David started reading an article by R. Claire Friend, M.D. called "Why girls need fathers for their development." He asked me if I thought that was a true premise and if so, why. I started giving him some of my thoughts and had to stop because I didn't want to cry in public.

Yes! Having daddy in the home, working together with mom to raise us, made a huge impression on me and shaped me in so many ways. I'll try to get these thoughts down in honor of Father's Day.

The Seelye Family in 1969.

"With his greater size and strength, the father's physical presence confers a sense of protection and security. He makes the world feel safe." (Quotes from Claire Friend, M.D. article)

My childhood felt safe and fun. We didn't normally lock the front door except at night. Daddy wasn't worried about stuff and it gave us a carefree feeling. I vividly remember thinking that daddy was so healthy that I wanted to take a bite off his piece of cheese so I could get his "healthy" germs. 

He worked hard in the oil business, getting up early to drive all over the LA basin selling cases of oil to gas stations, and when he got home I loved watching him soap up his arms and hands. He was then ready to jump into whatever was happening at home. When needed, he would fix things, change tires, suck on a hose to siphon gas, drive all over and take us on long camping vacations to "off the beaten path" locations. We always avoided Tourist Traps.

He provided a feeling of emotional safety, too. While I've never seen him cry, he's very sentimental and tuned in to what's going on around him. Sometimes, when we girls had driven mom to distraction, daddy would walk in the door from work and say just the right thing, with a little humor, to diffuse the situation and make us all feel like moving on.

Dad brought a huge sense of adventure and fun to our lives and it started long ago. 

Here he is riding on the top of a freight train, back in the day.

His wanderlust and interest in the world and in teaching the Bible took him and mom all over the world! Here they are in Alaska. I remember at one point we were all seriously planning to hop a freighter (ship) and go live in Madrid, Spain for a year, if he could get an insurance appointment for the year. It didn't work out but he sure was excited about the possibility!

Here's Daddy, examining one of the sacred cows during their trip to India.

Dad is optimistic, incurably so, and that quality leads to all kinds of opportunities and fun. It's worth giving something a try when you think it might result in something good! Dad's interest in the world caused him to start praying that someone would somehow reach out to the people on the island of Malta, and it eventually boiled down to him (and another friend) going there to teach and preach, with much help, advance and during the visit, from friend Ray Lentzsch. They had the crazy-amazing experience of being quite a sensation on the island and returned a couple more times! You have to have faith that the Lord is guiding you and a sense of adventure to do something like that.

Dad has always been interested in transportation. He and mom would watch trains when they were dating and one of the really fun things we did as kids was pile in the car and drive over to the LA airport to sit under the flight path and watch planes come thundering in. This is before the noise constraints, so it was unbelievably loud and exciting! I still love watching planes!

Here's dad with my niece, Heather Stevens Himes, when it was her turn to take the train with Grandpa. Whenever a grandchild turned 5, they got to go with him to San Diego, spending a few hours in the SD harbor looking at Navy ships in port, going up the glass elevator at a nearby hotel, eating something fishy at the fish restaurant and/or riding the trolley down to Tijuana, Mexico. He has worked to instill a curiosity about the world in the grandchildren and now the great grands.

"Fathers provide essential intellectual stimulation for their daughters. They discuss issues about the world outside the home. They broaden her horizons and awaken her curiosity. He encourages her to use her mind and to explore." (Claire Friend)

Dad spearheaded bringing interesting people into our home (as part of his ministry interests), so that we were constantly exposed to people from every walk of life and many countries. Here you see Gino Policriti, second from left, the ex-boxer who was on the Mafia hit list because of past deeds committed against them. He became a Christian and came into our lives, along with his friends and family. None of our friends had the FBI at their house asking questions about one of their friends... 

We didn't grow up with a TV but our education in reality, the world and people was broad and exceedingly interesting! Dad always encouraged us to have a large "curiosity bump," and we did... getting kudos for wondering about everything - noticing odd things and talking intelligently to people about topics of interest.  

Bible studies were always a big part of our growing up years. When we were little it was "Friday Nighter's" and other groups. As the teacher and leader, along with mom, of the King's Heir's college group at church, we had a steady stream of college kids in the house and there were regular Bible studies (and parties) all the time. We loved attending them along with the college kids.

I loved going with him up to the study at the College Life House at Whittier College when I was in high school! The house was packed with students, all sitting on the floor. They all had their Bibles open and had lots of questions. Dad loved it... everyone loved it! Above you see him with the group that met for Bible study for several years at Fred and Mina Taylor's house.

When it came to dating and meeting my beloved David, I always knew I had dad's support. One night when I got home from a date I popped into their bedroom since the light was still on. Daddy said, "if you marry that Cox boy, that'll be fine with us." That was a strong endorsement! 

"The effect of the father's absence is both striking and profound in girls. Without her knight in shining armor to safeguard her, she is left unprotected and vulnerable. Without his guidance, she remains an innocent about men. Without his adoration and love, she lacks both validation and affirmation. She is left to question her own value and worth. Without his contribution, she is incomplete.... Translated into everyday terms, she has little self-confidence, self-worth or self-respect." (Claire Friend)

Our family was conservative and didn't drink or go to dances. At the time it was just not considered something Christian people should do, so we didn't. When one of us was asking about why we couldn't go to a school dance, daddy gave us the kind of answer that convinced us; "if you knew what those guys were thinking when they were dancing with you, you'd haul off and slug 'em." Oh! 

When one of us was stood up by a date, daddy said, "come on, let's go have some fun at the store. Who needs that guy anyway?" It was always fun to go to the store with daddy... together you'd seriously consider everything in the store and buy various off-beat canned items for mom to try sometime. He could turn a ho-hum evening into something fun and put various disappointments into perspective.

Having dad behind us, believing in us, being interested in us, knowing he was really proud of each one, gave us a ton of self-confidence and self-respect. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't always known that daddy was behind me all the way! It still means so much to me.

When people talk about how our view of God is influenced by our earthly father, I am so thankful for my dad, who has always been loving, engaged, interested, hopeful and encouraging. His faith is a natural part of his everyday life and talking about the Lord, discussing interesting points of doctrine and prayer are just natural. To me, God is approachable and interested, just like dad.

It was okay to have questions... 

his unshakeable faith and willingness to look for answers was like a rock for us.

While I practiced the piano, daddy sat in the living room reading, often a Bible commentary or a Trains magazine. He's self-educated, never feeling that a college degree was the be-all and end-all. With a high IQ, he was much more interested in researching and reading about all kinds of things that he wanted to learn about. For several years he audited various classes at Talbot Seminary. He's still learning, now reading and appreciating books by authors that he used to think were lacking. He continues to be open to new ideas and ways of looking at things, keeping up to date on the latest scientific studies of many things.

David Cox, Ed Shackelford and Kirk Stevens... dad's three sons-in-law, were all friends with him and mom before they started dating one of us. It wasn't until later that Mom and Dad realized how brilliant it had been for them to sponsor college or singles groups at church during those years that we were at home! It was a ready-made source of great guys!

Dad with the guys at Mom and Dad's 60th anniversary.

Dad's parents met in a club for deaf young people - a lip reading club, so it's not that surprising that the deafness coming from both sides turned out to be hereditary. It's the kind that keeps getting worse, so in his 80's daddy got a cochlear implant! I have to say that it was money well spent for the insurance company because this is a man who will use and appreciate everything he hears, for the rest of his life. He'll get more use out of his new ear than most people do in a lifetime!

Never a complainer or whiner, we grew up with a jaunty outlook on hearing loss... somehow we didn't pick up the true difficulty of losing your hearing when you're such a people person, so interested in hearing what people have to say. When things got noisy around the house, he might pull off his hearing aid, letting it squeal for a few seconds, and we got the idea that it could be a real plus, sometimes, to be able to turn off the sound.

Have I mentioned the "Word Gene"? Here you see daddy holding his autobiography, "Amazed By Grace," the story of his and mom's life and ministry. All this writing is nothing new... way back when he was in the Army he wrote letters home to his mom, who put them in notebooks. For over thirty years he's been writing an interesting weekly letter to "family," actually a few hundred friends! 

It seems like we all love to talk, think, and write, and we enjoy playing with words. Our humor is the word kind. Several of the family have an amazing facility for learning languages - he learned perfect Spanish from his Abuelita as a teenager, and she had learned it while serving as a Quaker missionary to Central Mexico.

This interest in what people are saying and doing started with his mom who would listen to all he and his brother had to say when they got home from school. After taking it all in she'd say, "now go tell dad." "Dad" was my grandfather, who was deaf. He was a great lip reader but the boys learned that love takes the time to communicate. 

Family is very important to dad and he keeps track of what everyone is up to. Here he and mom are with my nephew, Nathan Shackelford. Dad has a long list on their refrigerator that shows all the birthdays; his and mom's, us girls', our husbands', our kids', our son's or daughter's-in-law, our grands.

Dad and mom have always tried to visit family, wherever they are, although now they don't hit the road like they used to. It was such a good feeling, knowing that mom and dad would come visit us!

Dad loves mom and they make a great team.

When mom turned 80 he totally surprised her by flying Luanne over from the Philippines for the birthday celebrations! Wow, holding onto that kind of a secret for that long was, in itself, a huge gift!

What can I say?

Yes, having my father in the home made a huge difference in my development. 

I thank God that in His divine wisdom He designed that each child 

should have a father and a mother. 

And I thank God that that father in my life was Robert Taber Seelye.

And what about the fatherless? 

What about people who have a father who was a negative influence? 

I take great comfort in seeing God as the True, Perfect Father. 

God cares about the fatherless.

He is an example of fatherhood which we can learn about through His Word

 and He also gives us His Holy Spirit to show us the way, 

to prompt us to do the right thing.

"He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, 

giving him food and clothing." 

Exodus 10:18

"When you reap your harvest in your field and forget a sheaf in the field, 

you shall not go back to get it. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow,

 that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. 

When you beat your olive trees, you shall not go over them again. 

It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow. 

When you gather the grapes of your vineyard, you shall not strip it afterward. 

It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow." 

Exodus 24: 19-21

"Sing to God, sing praises to his name; 

lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts; 

his name is the Lord; exult before him! 

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows 

is God in his holy habitation." 

Psalm 68:4-5

"The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous. 

The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, 

but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin. The Lord will reign forever, 

your God, O Zion, to all generations. Praise the Lord!" 

Psalm 146: 8-10

"The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; 

the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; 

the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; 

the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; 

the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; 

the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. 

More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; 

sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. 

Moreover, by them is your servant warned; 

in keeping them there is great reward." 

Psalm 19: 7-11